My inner compass has returned.

Have you ever felt like you had a soundtrack to your life? That you were in a movie and some mysterious, far-off director was orchestrating your story from a magical control station behind the clouds? Only you don't feel out of control. You're not resisting and pushing it away; instead, things are just falling as they should. Like the beauty and grace of a seamless domino effect, a winning hand of cards; the clarity which unravels from allowing intuition be your guide.

My date on Monday night asked me why I'm so restless. Not an easy question to answer. I tried to explain that I'm a naturally curious person. I've always been one to look for the next best thing. I'm the person who gets a great job and updates her resume a few weeks into it, just to keep my eyes open. I constantly plan for the future while rolling the past around in my mind as though it were a stress ball in hand. I don't want to wake up one day and wonder why I didn't do this and that. I don't want to settle down in one place and wonder what else there was out there to explore. I'd rather end up alone and alive and independent than with the wrong person. If I don't get what I want, I refuse to be patient. Isn't life too short to spend it waiting?

I have a way of doing things. Things just have to be done my way, in my time. I know this.

I told my date how I wanted to move to Chicago, at one point, this past spring. How I woke up one day and it felt right and within 48 hours I was on the phone with recruiters. Sending my resume to contacts in the city. Even telling my family I was going to move. Was it really what I wanted or was it a bit of a "fuck you" to my ex boyfriend? In hindsight, I think a part of me was just resisting what was naturally occurring, just because it wasn't what I ever thought I wanted. And sometimes it's hard to admit that you aren't who you thought you were. I never imagined I'd be so happy in Los Angeles. I never considered myself a California Girl. I didn't think I could truly deal with the traffic and the lame-o cupcakes. The overrated celebrity sightings, overpriced restaurants, hipsters and balmy weather that brings ants into the apartment come autumn. I guess that stubborn person within went into Resist Mode and couldn't admit it: She was and is happy.

I wasn't thinking about a lot of things. About the kneading effect the ocean has on my psyche, just knowing it's close. The amazing hole-in-the-wall cafes where servers let you dine for four-plus hours, never complaining or pushing you out the door. The fact that Angelenos go to expensive steak houses in holed-up jeans and flip flops. The gourmet burger joints and endless neighborhoods, spread far into the hills. The fact that I can drive just a few minutes from my apartment and I almost feel as though I'm on the east coast, ducking tree branches and lush foliage as I hike into the clouds. That almost every guy I've dated here can cook--not to impress me but just because he loves it. The farmers markets and the diversity. Gay, straight, Asian, black, Indian, Hispanic, who cares, everyone is just so damn interesting! I want to hear their stories. I want to know what their names mean and what they cook for the holidays and why they are the way they are.

And so tonight I came home after a long day from work. The novacaine had worn off from my dental work earlier in the day and my right side of my face simply ached. I had plans to take a former date out for his birthday, to a California cuisine joint in WeHo. I pinned my hair back and fixed my make up. I sat on the couch and watched tivo to kill time before I had to leave. I put on a pretty pink scarf. When I walked down into the garage, I could smell the oncoming rain through the ink-black night. Pulling onto Wilshire Boulevard sprinkles of water kissed my windshield and I nearly hooted. The traffic lights tonight were seldom. The song on the radio sang of waterfalls and rain and more waterfalls. And there I was, driving through it all, the world outside wet and vibrant. Smiling, thinking...

I'm right where I should be.